#humor

"People with money have to worry about who their real friends are. I don’t have that problem for two reasons: I don’t have any money, and I don’t have any friends."

"It came charging toward me, several hundred pounds of angry-looking monster, and I did the only thing any reasonable wizard could have done.I turned around and ran like hell."

"Fear is the Best Test Will the fear of going blind make youa voracious reader, a world traveleror paralyze you with a thousand other fears?"

"[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]"Don't they teach you anything in your schools?""Not about this.""Pity. I suppose that's what comes of your main education flowing from Google."

"We're on a planet, relax!"

"I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on."

"I have lightning and wind powers,"Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!"

"Sometimes Magic is What Disappears [10w] + {Couplet} Love's tragic, not ecstatic;with finespun change, disappears the magic."

"Privacy [10w] Why someone prefers his privacy is itself a private matter."

"Louisiana Dynamite Fishin' {10w] "Uncle Jimbo sez, if dey don't float it ain't fishin'."

"Politicians [10w] All politicians serve two masters ~their ambition and their cocks."

"Treat'em Like a Dishtowel (⌣́,⌣̀)⇝♥⇜(^◡^ ) [10w] "If I wring you out will you wring me back?"

"You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you"and threatening to kick them until they're dead."

"My definition of dictionary can’t be found in the dictionary. Dictionary—A linguistic prison, confining words to well-defined cells, with little chance of parole."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual."

"Cumin vs. Acumen Cumin is a powerful spice with a nutty peppery flavor;Acumen is more about having the good taste to knowhow and when to use it."

"The Cure [10w] Laughter, love and faith can cure 95% of all illnesses."

"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."