#humor

"My hands could be considered deadly weapons. You see, I write with both of them."

"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."

"Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness Rained upon Them, and the next he was dead. A tragic loss, his mind echoed numbly as he slipped away."

"The Road to Poetry Hell [10w] The road to poetry hell is likepaved with similes."

"You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound."

"Frowning, she looked up. "You can't want to ravish me every time we meet."Oh, yes, he could. Demon gritted his teeth..."

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."

"Sane is boring."

"Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders."

"Drunken men give some of the best pep talks."

"I wish we could make out in your bed."Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.""It's always something.""Isn't it though?"

"Life sucks, and then you die..."

"Alone [10w] Alone in bed because of three wordsI hadn't said."

"A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine."

"Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited."

"I like knocking on strangers’ doors, and when they answer and say hello, I respond, “I have returned, as prophesied.” Then I just stand there staring at them."

"Just relax and breathe through your ass."

"The clouds are like marble in the sky, and I just want to make a kitchen counter out of the atmosphere. I can cook like a flock of birds."

"The Flood that Did Not Subside [10w] What would today's world be,If Noah's dove flew into obscurity?"

"Too Beautiful for Words [10w] + [10w] When nature presents us with miracles too beautiful for words,it is either a mountain, a beach, or a baby."