#humor

"Noseless and Handless, the Lannister Boys."

"Do you answer a question directly?""Hard to say. Ah, there, I've done it again"

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."

"When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman."

"It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

"Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove."

"Myself [10w] "I don't really know myself;he's only a tenuous acquaintance."

"I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me."

"The Refugee I packed my car with cash and valuablesand headed for the border.At the first checkpoint they took my cash.At the second they took my valuables.At the border they took my car and my shoes.I walked barefoot the last 100 feet to freedom,and was greeted with open arms by a person I didn't recognize.In time I discovered that strangerwas the me they could not take from me."

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family."

"Is there a drug that will illuminate the mind and eliminate all the drugs the modern medical system will try to convince you that you need to take?"

"A few dud universes can really clutter up your basement."

"When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going on 29. Now I’m in love and I’ve lost all sense of time—and all the rest of my sense."

"Okay,"I said. "Just a normal afternoon and two normal people."She nodded. "And so...hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?""Oh..."I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows-slow, dumb, and bright red. "Um..."

"Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted."

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Now, I have nothing against the public school system as it is presently organized, once you allow the humor of its basic assumption about how it is possible to teach things to children...."

"They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to get inside of you? After all, most men buy women alcohol so they can get inside them too."

"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"

"The world is a stage and the play is badly cast."