#humor

"I liked things better when I didn't understand them."

"Okay, that one's pretty good,"Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about the baker's wife?""No,"Kyra said."Rumor has it, she married him for his buns."Fred burst out laughing.Kyra groaned. "Okay, that was just bad."

"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"

"You're Totally Fucked' Defined [10w] What's before you is hopeless and behind you is negligible."

"Hustling [10w] Fishing's the world's oldest profession;only the bait has changed."

"Dance in the rain, follow the path of lovely lanes, you are what you always wanted to be, so chill out, dear friend!"

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore."

"Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around"

"Right,"Sadie said. "And Set will just stand there calmly while I read him to death."

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble."

"Now what happens?"asked the man in black. "We face each other as God intended,"Fezzik said. "No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.""You mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people, is that it?"

"I can hold my alcohol, just like I’m a wine bottle. I dance as fluid as glass, and my heart shatters just as easily."

"We are not going to die."Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?""No. And do you know why?"He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die."I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die."

"The middle finger is a great body language tool for letting people know you’re upset. Poetry isn’t quite as effective in a fit of road rage."

"Simply Fabulous Haiku If I write fablesam I a fabulist orsimply fabulous?"

"Different people have different ideas. We need to kill them—the ideas, not the people. The people we just need to torture."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"Wishing Wells [10w] Wishes fall to the bottom of wells;only faith floats."