#humor

"The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists.. Modern art is a disaster area. Never in the field of human history has so much been used by so many to say so little."

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times."

"I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town."

"I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!"

"If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now."

"I’m so shy I make Bigfoot look like a socialite. Networking’s not a mystery to me—but I’m mythical to networking."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

"Unruffled [10w] Nothing’s calmer than an unruffled duck eating a cool cucumber."

"On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,and I have nothing else to do,I sometimes wonder if it's true That who is what and what is who."- Winnie-the-Pooh"

"You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed."

"He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax..."

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

"Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,"said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."

"It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"Colin decided then and there that the female mind was a strange and incomprehensible organ - one which no man should even attempt to understand. There wasn't a woman alive who could go from point A to B without stopping at C, D, X, and 12 along the way."

"Learn from Children [10w] Children picture God as a smiley sun emanating love light."