#humor

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were playing with chicken livers and told me everyone was in quarantine."

"Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it."

"Pussy Whipped I was pussy whipped with four lashes.It was a helluva threesome ~but I still can't get the damn mascara off my one-eyed snake."

"What One Vulture Said to the Other I have a bone to pick with you ~which end shall we start on?"

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

"Becoming [10w] We're a becoming whose final shape is unknown to all."

"Hey!” I said, indignation filling me. “I’m immortal! Doesn’t that mean I won’t get saggy boobs and gray hair? Because if it doesn’t mean that, I want a refund—"

"To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end."

"A few dud universes can really clutter up your basement."

"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."

"Don’t Let the Dead Fish Fool You [10w] Even the eyes of a dead fish can reflect light."

"I should open up a dry cleaners/pizza parlor. Extra Stain Sauce will be free, but removing it out of your clothes will cost you."

"Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent."

"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen"

"If you're trapped in the dream of the Other, you're fucked."

"Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record."

"It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name. It means 'invincible.'""That's great,"Lana said."Invincible. I can't be vinced.""That's not even a word,"Lana said."Go ahead: try to vince me,"Sanjit said."