#humor

"Divine Write [10w] To write is to divinely dabblein infinite alternate realities."

"Some people grow vegetables by day, but I grow shadows by night. Right now my only customer is the US government, but the profit is unbelievable."

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished."

"His sentences didn't seem to have any verbs, which was par for a politician. All nouns, no action."

"Some kids get called 'bundles of joy' or 'slices of heaven' or 'dreams come true.' We got 'the fifty-fourth generation of DNA experiments.' Doesn't have the same warm and fuzzy feel. But maybe I'm oversensitive."

"There's so much destruction all over the world - and all you can do is complain about ME!"

"The Wonderful Wonder Between the 'Onenesses' [10w] + [10w] + [10w] + [10w] If you can imagine time running backwards, death becomes birth;The moment before conception, becomes our oneness with the universe.Therefore, we shouldn't fear death because oneness returns to oneness;The wonder that happens between these onenesses is God's gift."

"Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results."

"Poetry in a Bottle [10w] If you could bottle poetry you'd have one addictive drink."

"These books can't possibly compete with centuries of established history, especially when that history is endorsed by the ultimate bestseller of all time."Faukman's eyes went wide. "Don't tell me Harry Potter is actually about the Holy Grail.""I was referring to the Bible."Faukman cringed. "I knew that."

"Any fool can make a ruleAnd any fool will mind it."

"She had not made a decision to give up sex, only the clamor of romance, because it was exhausting her, doing her no good and too much harm..."

"Who cares even if I didn't?!"Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise."

"Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money."

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

"Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.'Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that."

"There will be no yelling at people who are bleeding themselves to unconsciousness."

"I know I love her, because when I see her my heart beats like a drum. If she played guitar and sang, we could start a band."

"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."