#humor

"Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else."

"When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman."

"Why do all your brilliant ideas involve felonies?"

"Good planning is important. I've also regarded a sense of humor as one of the most important things on a big expedition. When you're in a difficult or dangerous situation, or when you're depressed about the chances of success, someone who can make you laugh eases the tension."

"It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch."

"Razo hopped back up and adopted a posture that said he was completely unruffled, never had been, and in fact was ready to do something manly like lift boulders or swallow live worms."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."

"Lies vs. Truth [10w] I can only speak truth if I lie to myself."

"It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing."

"Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."

"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

"I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy."

"I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'."

"You haven't got a letter on yours,"George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."