#humor

"Hemidemisemiquaver [10w] The composer evened the score by ending in a hemidemisemiquaver."

"Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Some trees live to be hundreds of years old, and what the fuck do they know?"

"I’m so sunburned I’m embarrassed, but you can’t tell I’m blushing because I’m sunburned. I’m so ashamed I could just lie on the beach and die."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."

"Love Scars Love leaves more scars than a ten car pile-up ~and nobody's got insurance."

"Heartbreak [10w] Heartbreak’s like a heart attack but without the hospital bills."

"After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?"I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much."

"Virtual Friends [10w] Internet camaraderie's bullshit because these 'friends' can't be relied upon."

"Oh Tigger, where are your manners?""I don’t know, but I bet they’re having more fun than I am."

"Pond(er) This [10w] Nobody wants to be:'Big fish in a little pond."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?"

"You don't have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day."

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."

"I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover."

"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."

"I can’t can’t, but since I can’t, I clearly can."

"Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time."

"If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong."

"Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches"