#humor

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."

"I sold ten bags of hellos for five bags of goodbyes. I’d say that’s a good profit. Or it was, before I blew all my goodbyes on ex lovers."

"Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees."

"Tomorrow was my second chance to make things right but it never came. I’m sorry I never treasured the time we had for those regrets I take the blame. You gave everything you had. I took without giving back.” Sed paused in his song, feeling ridiculous for singing it to her while they made love.“Baby, you realize this song is about Trey’s dead dog, don’t you?"

"Death is Opening Night Everything's that happened yesterday is a rehearsal for everything that will happen..."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway."

"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."

"Ars Poetica: Dovetailing Collage [10w] Poems should be a dovetailing collage not a linear cohesion."

"Silly String [10w] Life' an absurdity radiating from a spine of silly string."

"It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget."

"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."

"We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner."

"Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why."

"I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain."

"If you merge an emergency with a mannequin, that’s how I look at networking events. To make each handshake more feel more personal, I try to wear the thinnest rubber gloves I can find."

"The Freedom Paradox [10w] The act of protecting freedom is a violation of freedom."

"Lost Love [10w] + {Couplet} Lost love's the season of mists,Though they are gone, memory persists."

"Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy —the joy of being Salvador Dalí— and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things is this Salvador Dalí going to accomplish today?"

"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."