#sales

"A lollygagger is a person choking on a lollipop. That works perfectly, because I sell Heimlich Maneuvers in a variety of flavors."

"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"Everyone is a salesman, and the product is each person. Personal branding is being conscious to the continual nature of selling yourself."

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement."

"Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable."

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"There's someone for everyone. And when my clones get here, everyone will be able to have that someone. Prices start at $99."

"Take some cues from some Q’s. Quality and quantity lead to queues."

"Is your Happy Meal full of dancing? Put a box around it and sell it to kids. They could use the exercise."

"Half-assing it twice isn’t giving it 100%, but both can be yours for the one-time low-price of half off. Also on SALE now: My love. Order yours today."

"Personal branding is sales, because you’re selling an image of yourself, a mirage, and you are the product."

"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."

"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."

"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"I want to start a business making mint-flavored sunshine that comes in a can half full of meow-free rainbows. (Leprechauns sold separately.)"

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."

"The storm is coming whether you’re aware of it or not, and whether you’re prepared for it or not. Thank God you have a man like me in your life, a man with a variety of umbrellas for sale in an affordable range of prices."