#Weird

"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"A girl’s got to use what she’s given and I’m not going to make a guy drool the way a Britney video does. So I take it to extremes. I don’t say I dress sexily on stage - what I do is so extreme. It’s meant to make guys think: ‘I don’t know if this is sexy or just weird."

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"I didn't want to do it,' Kiala said. 'The universe just kind of conspired to force me to make a fool of myself. It does that quite a lot, actually."

"We all know interspecies romance is weird."

"I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter."

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue."

"I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell"all the time."

"If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name."

"I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"It's weird doing red carpets; it's uncomfortable. But you can have a sense of humor about it."

"I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success."

"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"I'm going to do a lot of weird stuff that's not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think it's time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff."

"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."