Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas."

"When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion."

"I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life."

"Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."

"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."

"Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?"

"The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming."

"Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers."

"Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note"

"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."

"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."