"I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention."
JA
Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..
51 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?"
"I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems."
"I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick."
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"Love is something to be treated with awe. Or should it be aww? People don’t know my capacity for love. If you tried to bottle it up, I’m sure it would take at least three thermoses to contain it. And if it did get contained, would you drink my love black, or would you add cream and sugar?"
"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."
"Our love was covered in fur, yet I was the only one who wanted to pet it."
"I believe the love shared between two people shouldn’t be secretly shared with a third. Not even if I am vacationing on the moon, and that third person is my clone."
"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."
"Napoleon made war like I make love—from a height of about 68 centimeters. (I wear platform shoes while I’m on my knees)"
"I left my phone number on a napkin, along with trace amounts of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread grease, hoping she’d call me. And when she didn’t, I panicked and filed a missing person’s report with the police."
"My advice to you: Just be yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do. So, can I borrow your clothes?"
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it"
"I lost my faith in my faithlessness. I believe I’m a nonbeliever now."
"Her dad died unexpectedly, so I hid the flowers, because flowers are reminders of spring and life, and also of headstones and death. Also, I hid the flowers because they were for another woman."