"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."
JA
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
38 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
"He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse."
"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."
"I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor."
"Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth."
"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."
"The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me."
"I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?"
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars."
"No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink."
"I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet."
"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."
"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."
"There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t."
"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."
"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."