Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."

"I’ve got a nice racket going. I make tennis ball swatters. My favorite score is love all. That’s also how I live my life."

"Who we were and who we are are four different people, and the me from now doesn't relate to the me from then, let alone to the you from now."

"I’ll stand by you forever. Or at least until noon, and then I’ll go stand under the cabana. Isn’t love amazing?"

"The sun rose and tinted the sky rose, that floral red teeming with romance, and it filtered in thoughts of the love I used to have for her."

"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."

"I made a cauldron of coffee, and I was thinking we could chug it and then teach each other how to dance by using the bottom of a floating canoe as a ballroom."

"My eyes are bronze, my hair is turning silver, and my heart is gold. Oh, and my love for you belongs in the Olympics, because it’s Special."

"I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?"

"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."

"My heartbeat is a pulse, and it pumps out sonic vibrations that resonate with her mind as she lays her head on my chest. Listen silently and you can hear the frequency of love."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"I arose like a rose, and this is how I knew I was in love. In the garden of life, I’m better off in your neighbor’s yard."

"If I told you that my global audience has shot up 100% in the last six months, what would you say? If you were to say, “So you went from one reader to two readers?” you’d be absolutely correct. And after I had congratulated you on your keen guess, I’d thank you for being 50% of my reading base."

"I need more frugality. I wonder where I can buy some."

"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."

"Our love went from fly to flower to butterfly, and it was meant to beautifully flutter, not sit still on a shelf like a trophy to be collected."

"A love story in six words: Hello. Goodbye. In between was marriage."

"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."

"I type on my keyboard like I’m Beethoven on the piano. My words may be silent in the air, but they ring as music in my mind while I write."