funny

"No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway."

"She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list."

"Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening."

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."

"Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned."

"How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it."

"And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep."

"My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns."

"Francis Bacon has the most delicious last name ever, followed closely by Johnny Scrambledeggs. I make love like those two guys make breakfast out of family reunions."

"Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright."

"He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way…wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I’m Ali."

"The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her."

"How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross."I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."

"Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."

"Ren took off his jacket, which slicited a squeak from Jennifer who was now totally focused on Ren's golden-bronze biceps. His perfectly fitted muscle shirt showed off his extremely well-developed arms and chest. I hissed at him quietly, "For heaven's sake, Ren! You're going to give the women heart palpitations!"