funny

"Gods, I love it when you talk mathy to me."

"I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy."

"Yes, I'm back,"he said, "And look who I ran into."Horace grinned at him. "i hope you ran into him hard.""As hard as I could."

"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?"

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright."

"You okay?""Fine.""Your heart's beating really fast.""Gee, thanks. That's very comforting that you can hear it."He smiled, and it was the old Michael, the one she'd first met before all the vamp stuff."Yeah, I know it is. Sorry. Just stay behind me if there's trouble.""You sound like Shane.""Well, he did say he'd kill me if I got you hurt. I'm just looking after my own neck.""Liar."

"If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be."

"Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty."Gideon Wyeth:"Why?"Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty."

"I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror."

"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?"NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) "No. You'll fuck it up and die."So I took it apart."

"No need, no, need. Life is already too short to find it."

"I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone."

"What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize."