funny

"gray hair is gods graffiti"

"The cure for boredom is curiosity.There is no cure for curiosity."

"She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.."

"I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me."

"Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes’s skin. “Me no boy. You think me a boy?”Everyone stopped, stared. Even Aeron.Reyes was the first to find his voice. “You’re a…girl?”A nod. “Me pretty.”“Yes, you are.” Reyes exchanged a glance with Lucien. “Beautiful."

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!"

"My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?"

"I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet."

"She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them."

"Is that a stake, Bones, or are you just happy with my new dress?”“In this case, it’s a stake. You could always feel around for something more, though. See what comes up."

"Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."

"I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?"

"Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty."

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"I've had great success being a total idiot."

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."

"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."