humor

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)"

"Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance?"

"I've been encouraging documentary filmmakers to use more and more humor, and they're loath to do that because they think if it's a documentary it has to be deadly serious - it has to be like medicine that you're supposed to take. And I think it's what keeps the mass audience from going to documentaries."

"Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence."

"The people in New York - their humor is on a level that goes, uh, very deep, you know?"

"Every morning I push through the pain—and force myself to keep sleeping, despite my aching body’s cries to quit. I am a champion."

"There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn't like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good."

"Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up."

"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have cancer, and your daughter hasn't been raped or murdered. The bad news is that I ran over your dog. And your son. And his wife. But not before I ran out of gas to achieve all of that."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"Regardless of what I think about Islam or Wicca or any other religion, the fact is that it's a group of people. Every faith has its ceremonies. And since it's made up of people, every faith also has its assholes."

"If you converted a water fountain into a fire fountain, then you’d have what it takes to stoke the heat I have for you in my heart."

"There is nothing more luxurious than eating while you read—unless it be reading while you eat. Amabel did both: they are not the same thing, as you will see if you think the matter over."

"Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time."

"I don't have a very quick sense of humor."

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

"The baby batScreamed out in fright,'Turn on the dark,I'm afraid of the light."

"I feel robbing a bank would be the highest form of performance art. No need to pay to see me work. The Federal Reserve is subsidizing it."

"Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies."