humor

"No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time."

"I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous."

"I've heard too many times where people say that I'm this ultra-serious guy. In truth, I've got an extremely absurd sense of humor. I thrive on the absurd - I love it."

"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."

"Caliph Vathek and his dark hordeAre bound for Hell, you won’t be bored!Your faith in me will be restored—Unless this token you find untowardAnd my poor gift you have ignored."

"To err is human, to purr is feline."

"Grandpa often tells me I dance like my legs are engulfed in flames. I just go out there and put the fire of desire in women’s hearts."

"I don’t want to develop—I want to evelop, because it’s more positive. Similarly, would you rather your love evolve or devolve? That’s why if you need me, I’ll be on the sofa trying to evelop myself as a person."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse."

"Common sense is the most widely shared commodity in the world, for every man is convinced that he is well supplied with it."

"Wit is educated insolence."

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."

"Plans are invitation to disappointment."

"If I ever form a clan, we'll be the anti-cheerleaders and walk under the bleacher forming mild acts of mayhem."

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."

"Having a sense of humor has served me more than it has hurt me - just in the sense that it has allowed me to keep my sanity."

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

"Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.'Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that."