humor

"Murphy hung up and I said, to the still-open line, "Hey, if you've got someone watching my place, could you call the cops if anyone tries to steal my Star Wars poster? It's an original."Then I vindictively hung up on the FBI. It made my inner child happy."

"I think Damien Hirst is hilarious. And I think he's a true artist. He's not hilarious first; I think he is a real artist, and I also think he's got an amazing sense of humor."

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead."

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

"Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it."

"Hello, Minister!"bellowed Percy, sending a neat jinx straight at Thicknesse, who dropped his wand and clawed at the front of his robes, apparently in awful discomfort. "Did I mention I'm resigning?"

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."

"It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive."

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"Sure, the comedians who swear or use scatological humor can get laughs, but they're uncomfortable laughs."

"I was born in England - though both of my parents are American - and there's something about the 'Muppets' where they have this combination of English and American humor."

"Humor can inform and break down stigma, which is a huge issue in the military."

"There is something really horrific for any human being who feels he is being consumed by other people. I'm talking about a writer's critics, who don't address what you've written, but want to probe into your existence and magnify the trivia of your life without any sense of humor, without any sense of context."

"I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory."

"Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous."

"My I love yous were watered down, which was how I was able to grow such a beautiful garden. I’m a relationship farmer, and I’m growing as a person."

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."

"Emergency dance party--go away."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why did he have to stand so close, and why did I still love him so much?"