humor

"Death should take me while I am in the mood."

"Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me."

"I think the Canadian sense of humor is dryer than America's and juicier than Britain's. I think it's a cross between the two of them, really."

"It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."

"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."

"You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?” I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.” He smiles at me confidently. “Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love."

"People with money have to worry about who their real friends are. I don’t have that problem for two reasons: I don’t have any money, and I don’t have any friends."

"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."

"Oh, goodie,"Puck said as I stepped forward. "I'm going to have a rash in the most uncomfortable places."

"rolf! what? are you really rolling on the floor laughing? well, please stay down there for a sec while I KICK YOUR ASS."

"She didn't say it, I only thought she said it. So really it was my thought, my words, and not hers. How could I confuse "I love you"with "May I take your order?"

"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"Razo hopped back up and adopted a posture that said he was completely unruffled, never had been, and in fact was ready to do something manly like lift boulders or swallow live worms."

"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."

"The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit."

"You think I'd cheat on you?"I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster."With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat."

"When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls."

"Great earrings would be little speakers, so she can hear better. Or maybe she just wasn’t listening all those times I told her I loved her."

"Don't run I never liked fast food"