humor

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

"Write what you know. That should leave you with a lot of free time."

"So, I'm thinking of a name for a villain that has a sense of humor. I thought of 'The Joker' as a name, and as soon as I thought that, I associate it with the playing card, as my family had a tradition of champion playing; my brother was a contract champion bridge player. There were always cards around the house."

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

"Are you a female dog?""What?"Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!"

"I could not tread these perilous paths in safety, if I did not keep a saving sense of humor."

"Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that."

"Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar"

"Wit is educated insolence."

"I'm a sarcastic person, and people don't get my humor sometimes."

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile."

"My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook."

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"I glanced up to see Liz and smiled. "Thank you.""I just went along for the ride. After that happened-"She waved at Derek. "You know how blind people need Seeing Eye dogs? Well, apparently werewolves could really use Opening Door poltergeists."

"You know what I like most about people? Pets."

"A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself."

"I think Damien Hirst is hilarious. And I think he's a true artist. He's not hilarious first; I think he is a real artist, and I also think he's got an amazing sense of humor."