#Funny

"I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting."

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

"If we spoke with our ears, and listened through our mouth, then a kiss might be the most romantic sound in the world."

"Are you in a suit?' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn’t have to dress up for me.''Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue."

"The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot."

"He thinks things through too much."

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

"When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on the menu."

"Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal."

"My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way"

"You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you?"

"I am the bathtub of love, but all Agatha ever wanted was a shower."

"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

"Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself - but he lacked Will's tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there."

"I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead."

"I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry."That's interesting,"he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible.""Did the psychic think so?"

"Thomas, my 15-year-old, is effectively my editor, I've always trusted his voice, more than anybody, on the strip for years. He has one of those ears that's just tuned to the rhythm of humor, so if he says something's not funny, my stomach just hurts because I know he's right, and it's already been drawn."

"Are you a female dog?""What?"Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!"

"Hey, yummy leather guy? Can you hear me? (Amanda)"

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."