#Funny

"Hey, Geekoid!"yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?"

"I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago."

"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"

"She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience—and patients. I would have said more, but I ran out of homophones."

"A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat."

"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"

"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."

"Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much.""Dick. That's not what you said last night.""Bite me."

"I’m a romantic. I like cold coffee and orgasms that arrive fifteen minutes after I’ve put on my clothes and paid the lady."

"On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead."

"They call me, The Sharkalator"

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior."

"01210 is a pyramid, & worms move like handicapped snakes. My dream belongs in a wheelchair, because I just spilled coffee all over my sleep."

"Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat"

"Here's a haiku/palindrome I wrote called, "Obsession."Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob"

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."

"From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge."

"And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!"

"[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)"