#Funny

"[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!"

"I’ll give you 50% off for half a year, or 100% off for a whole year. At these bargain discount prices, my love won’t last forever."

"I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor."

"A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it."

"I apologized to her once for spending less time with her, but she blew it off. "You're in love. That makes you actually kind of boring to people who aren't in love. You know, the sane ones."

"Most kids start talking by age two. I didn't say a word until I was twelve. I was just angry and defiant I guess. My first word wasn't "Mom"or "Dad."It was "No."

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

"Isabelle snorted, "All the boys are gay. In this truck, anyway. Well, not you, Simon.""You noticed,"said Simon. "I think of myself as a freewheeling bisexual,"added Magnus. "Please never say those words in front of my parents,"said Alec."

"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."

"Jackass, jackass on the wall, where's the info on Hex Hall?"

"The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you."

"How long have you been standing there?""Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger.""He deserved it."

"So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time."

"Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK.- Jane"

"Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners."

"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."

"The common man prays, 'I want a cookie right now!' And God responds, 'If you'd listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies."

"The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

"Nerd life is just so much better than regular life."

"Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here."