#Funny

"Are you okay?"I (Cassie) call up to him."Um. Define okay."(Ben)"Okay means you're not bleeding to death.""I'm okay."

"It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it."

"There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants."

"If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks."

"Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press."

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos."

"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."

"We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross."

"One of the greatest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in my life was from my mom. When I was a little kid there was a kid who was bugging me at school and she said “Okay, I’m gonna tell you what to do. If the kid’s bugging you and puts his hands on you; you pick up the nearest rock..."

"Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"Most of the people in my family were pretty funny. Everyone had a good sense of humor. I came to California right after college, wanting to be a musician."

"My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it."

"All right I think we've been down here in the dark long enough. There's a whole other world upstairs. Take my hand Constant Reader and I'll be happy to lead you back into the sunshine. I'm happy to go there because I believe most people are essentially good. I know that I am. It's you I'm not entirely sure of."

"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."

"The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him."

"But if you read Jane Austen, you know that she had a wicked sense of humor. Not only was she funny, but her early writing was very dark and had a gothic tone to it."

"I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive."

"I always felt that Jim Morrison was a terrible name for the front man of The Doors. No, for a band called The Doors, a name like Rusty Hinge would have been more appropriate."

"She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list."