Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."

"The road to hell isn't paved with gold, it's paved with faith. Faith in a dollar that's backed by a belief that people have faith in other people's belief in it."

"The sunset sky fades from blue to orange over Gainesville, Florida, and what I lost is less than what I gained. I gained love, I lost love, and if could do it all again, I would."

"Opportunity is not your opponent—it is your ally, but it’s hard to see that because opportunity is often camouflaged and hidden among danger and chaos."

"I’ve never been in a yesterday quite like today. Seems like the perfect time to be in love."

"Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths."

"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"People don't care what I wear or don't wear, and even if I don't wear anything people will cover for me if they know that I care about them."

"I dance so fluid you’d think I’m a fish. I don’t need to drink to be able to dance—I am the drink. Have a sip and find out for yourself."

"I’m late to dinner, but I’m early to being in love. I’m such a gentleman that I hold every door open—even if the guy sitting in the bathroom stall is protesting."

"My I love you was a measured response, like one gallon of coffee in one cup of sugar. It was just overflowing with an awakening of my soul."

"I chased the chaste, and they got scared and scurried. Then I stood still and loved where I was at, and all approached without fear of reproach."

"I wish I could travel west nonstop chasing sunsets. And as the time zones move backwards, I could live forever if I just kept moving."

"I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship. The card was blank."

"The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was."

"A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires."

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"The best part about being a writer is being able to communicate with people without moving my lips. The mouth is better used for kissing."