funny

"He said "cool"like I say a Spanish word when I'm not sure of the pronunciation."

"Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

"gray hair is gods graffiti"

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"

"I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me."

"I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!"

"Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. “Hey, Dark Princess? Here’s your crap. Also, bite me."

"In high school I tried out for the spelling team, but only because I really wanted a letter jacket."

"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."

"I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention."

"Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless"

"I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive."

"So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."

"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."

"When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific."

"Juan gave Bones the most admiring look he’d bestowed on him yet. “You talked her into going without panties all these years? Madre de Dios, now that’s impressive. I could learn a great deal from you, amigo."

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."

"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."

"I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow."