Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are."

"My love has a flow like a flower, so it’s best if you water it with the fragrance of romance, which has the aroma of loyalty."

"I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home."

"For the funeral I needed a plus one, so I rented a hooker. And then I rented a movie. Rest in peace Grandpa, or whoever you were."

"A flowing flurry of flowers fell to the floor when I fell in love, as if my heart were a garden that gushed forth and flooded her being with the fragrance of romance."

"I’m passionate about being compassionate. It takes a lot to give of yourself, and that’s why it’s such a gift—for both the recipient and the giver."

"There’s sleep to be found here, and I’m going to find it—with my eyes closed. I’m like Sherlock Holmes meets Helen Keller. #Networking"

"I am so extreme that I do parkour like a caterpillar gyrates. My movements are slow and methodical, but eventually my free running takes flight. I love the same exact way, and my romance has the essence of a butterfly."

"My I love you was a measured response, like one gallon of coffee in one cup of sugar. It was just overflowing with an awakening of my soul."

"In my memory her love shimmers, glimmers, and glitters the way light on black water reflects like diamonds, the treasure that was us."

"All my failures as a human being I blame on my father. Life is about accepting responsibility, and it’s time my father started being held accountable for my deficiencies."

"I want a moon canoe, because have you ever tried paddling through dirt? Love is a journey, and I try to travel as efficiently as I can."

"If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited."

"It takes guts to love with gusto. Most people love as if they wish they were invisible, and then they wonder why their affections go unnoticed."

"When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future."

"In high school I used to write my love notes backwards, so she'd have to flip the paper upside-down to read it. Either that or read it in a mirror, so she can see herself as I see her, and see why I admire her."

"I’m so sunburned I’m embarrassed, but you can’t tell I’m blushing because I’m sunburned. I’m so ashamed I could just lie on the beach and die."

"My past is black and my future is blank. My only canvas is the present. The best color to paint with is love."

"Every day I’m growing as a man. I’m not growing in height, but rather I’m growing in love, which makes me seem taller than I really am."