Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I just invented a hug machine. It’s solar powered so you can use it when you feel depressed, like on a cloudy day. Shit."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"My cup is full of air. I should empty it and fill it with love. Or coffee, as the two are synonymous to me."

"To be invisible, paint yourself with the direct shade of zero. Leave nothing to chance, by taking nothing with you wherever you go."

"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."

"To be angry is easy, but to forgive is hard. That's why to love is easy, and to love is hard. I try to be so hard that I'm soft, like a liquid rock, fluid and forgiving, but unmovable in my resolve."

"Love isn’t in a hurry like a flurry of flowery words on paper. It’s lush and slow to grow its aroma in the garden of time."

"I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only."

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."

"If I could convert books to wine, I’d start with The Grapes of Wrath. I’ve never read it, but maybe tonight I’ll be thirsty enough."

"When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that it’s not “my” generation. I’m only co-owner with a 50% stake."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

"I saw someone who so closely resembled you that my heart started beating like a hummingbird's wings, and my mind flew back to where we were when we were we’re."

"I am restless when I rest. I sleep like I’m engaged in an invisible wrestling match. Naturally, I almost always win."

"An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for."

"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."

"The heart is man’s treasure, and that’s why it’s locked in a cage of ribs with only one key. The key isn’t metal or material—it’s the feeling of love."

"The only problem with dreaming is it's a solo activity. Imagine how glorious life would be if we could share dreams and create in unison."

"Our love will blend together like turquoise is blue and green. There’s no depression or envy when both blur into one."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."