Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?"

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"If you fear rejection, you won’t embrace acceptance. But don’t push yourself onto others, because they won’t pull you close."

"My heartbeat is a pulse, and it pumps out sonic vibrations that resonate with her mind as she lays her head on my chest. Listen silently and you can hear the frequency of love."

"She cuts me deep with her words, with her withholding of words, and with her knife. I’m not sure which is the most painful."

"I drink like a fish, and I swim in my thirst. I’m so parched for her love that I think I may drown in my desire."

"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."

"I know the X’s and O’s of football. I just don’t know the other 24 letters. And as a writer, this bothers me."

"I like grape juice. Fermented grape juice—wine. It’s the drink of choice for champions. I know because I asked a bunch of winners."

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"White letters plus white paper equals invisibility. Just because you can’t see my love for you, doesn’t mean I didn’t write about it."

"A slinky is a toy made for stairs, but that’s entirely too tiresome. What about a toy for escalators that doesn’t move and does nothing and that’s the whole point? I think Americans would relate to and embrace that mentality."

"The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you.""Oh my God,"I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me."

"I hide how I feel, and I hide the fact that I hide how I feel, but I can't bury the past without having a funeral of the heart."

"You are not your body. You are the sum of all your actions, and they live on after your body dies. You may be mortal, but your brand is eternal."

"Be mindful and heartempty, because you've got no love left in it due to you having given it all away."

"The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special."

"My life is but a firefly’s flicker, so I’d better use my brief moment to light up the darkness that covers her path."

"A squeegee is a sponge on a stick, and if there is a tangible item that’s more romantic, I don’t know what it is. Never go on a first date without one."

"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."