Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She moves through my memory the way the gentle river waves turn the setting sun's rays into a nostalgic light show."

"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."

"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."

"As a fiction writer, let me make it up, and let me make it up to you. I’ll pen our love story, if you’ll be my co-author."

"I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it."

"The summer temperature outside was 45 degrees, so I turned 45 degrees and went right back inside. It was so cold outside because that’s where all her love for me was."

"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."

"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."

"My reality is it’s nighttime. The truth is I’m just blindfolded. How many people live like me, in self-deluded darkness?"

"I don’t eat Sloppy Joes. I eat Tidy Josephs."

"I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet."

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love."

"I don’t remember my birth. I guess I got dementia at a young age."

"A chance meeting in a Kansas City coffee shop may take me months of planning and twice a day visits for over a year. But I already have my stunned, surprised, and shocked speech rehearsed for the moment I act like I had no idea she would be there."

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

"Unreturned love is like trying to make a sandwich with one slice of bread. Don’t stress—fold it in half and love yourself."

"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."

"I meet people to know I’m not alone. I network like an astronaut on the moon."

"Just when you thought you’d considered all the angles, life goes from a square to a cube. Love should also be 3D."