Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her."

"My cat is ignorant of the law. But then so am I. That means I am not his master, because we are both slaves."

"Silence is expansive, filling up a whole room in seconds, like a balloon filled with awkwardness. It’s amazing how saying nothing can be so different from having nothing to say."

"One butterfly wing reflected wholly in a mirror won’t give flight. Let this be a lesson in love."

"I know the X’s and O’s of football. I just don’t know the other 24 letters. And as a writer, this bothers me."

"Why pay for an undesirable outcome with someone else? For the same money, you could have paid me to stay at home and do nothing."

"I’m so shy I make Bigfoot look like a socialite. Networking’s not a mystery to me—but I’m mythical to networking."

"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."

"If I waste all my charity, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. Still, I think I want to be the Dandelion of Love."

"Apparently I’m transparent—with my feelings, not with my body. I’m an emotional ghost, and if you can’t see my love for you it’s because it’s dead."

"I like my coffee like Colfax Avenue mixed with Atlantic Boulevard, and if you're buying then I'm driving. Let's sip this romance slowly."

"The world may be running out of water, but it isn’t running low on music. Let the dancing flow!"

"My feet are dense with dance. I move like I’m wearing concrete boots and I’m trying to tread water. If the music is salsa, I may start gargling."

"Treasure isn’t always gold, silver, and gems. Sometimes it’s furry and purring. Happy Cuddle-with-your-cat Day!"

"I must be a great leader because many people follow me. Most of the people are police officers, if that gives you any indication of my character."

"My past is black and my future is blank. My only canvas is the present. The best color to paint with is love."

"To be angry is easy, but to forgive is hard. That's why to love is easy, and to love is hard. I try to be so hard that I'm soft, like a liquid rock, fluid and forgiving, but unmovable in my resolve."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"Love now, not later. Also, love later."

"Free running is wall dancing, and that’s why I do my best moves while sitting in a rocking chair. I like to relax dangerously."