Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."

"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"The Book of Life, I’m still writing it—both literally and literarily. So far I’ve written the Table of Contents. Right now it’s more of a coffee table."

"Lightning doesn’t thunder twice. Let that be a lesson in love."

"I’ll cut jewels in the shape of crumpled-up pieces of paper. Her wedding ring may look like my 33rd attempt at my marriage vows."

"Hide things everywhere. Forget about them. Find them randomly and feel surprised like a pirate finding buried treasure. Avoid scurvy. Love more."

"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."

"It takes guts to love with gusto. Most people love as if they wish they were invisible, and then they wonder why their affections go unnoticed."

"The size of your sighs tell how deeply you’re in love. How I feel is very much like a stressed and distressed midget trying to breathe."

"You are not your body. You are the sum of all your actions, and they live on after your body dies. You may be mortal, but your brand is eternal."

"I belong, and my penis, it be long."

"Networking is more quality, and less quantity. It’s better to form a solid connection with one new person, than a liquid connection with ten. You don’t want people to think you drink too much."

"The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing."

"The world may be running out of water, but it isn’t running low on music. Let the dancing flow!"

"Apparently I’m transparent—with my feelings, not with my body. I’m an emotional ghost, and if you can’t see my love for you it’s because it’s dead."

"I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet."

"I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista."

"If a company won't hire you, why don't you start your own company? Steve Jobs created jobs, he didn't apply for them. #Startup your dreams."

"I just started working the graveyard shift at the cemetery. Come to think of it, every shift at the cemetery is the graveyard shift."