funny

"She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

"Don't you think 'Mark is kind of a weird name for a Shadowhunter?"Julian was saying as Emma approached. "I mean, if you really think about it. It's confusing. 'Put a Mark on me, Mark."

"Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies."

"When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?"

"It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting."

"Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Africa. I'd like to believe people believe me, on account of it being so strange that it has to be true."

"Daemon pressed his forehead against mine. "Oh, I still want to strangle you. But I'm insane. You're crazy. Maybe that's why. We just make crazy together."

"Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie."

"If you want to know my story, you have to go back to the beginning. Not the beginning-beginning, but about nine months later. You see, I was born as a poor farm boy. Believe it or not, my parents were so poor that they didn’t even own a farm. Nope. Instead, they had to live in a small apartment in the city."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."

"Isn't that someone we know?"asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred meters away, arms wrapped around his knees. Close by him, a small shaggy horse cropped the grass growing at the edge of the drainage ditch that ran beside the road."So it is,"Halt replied. "And he seems to have brought Will with him."

"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."

"What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?"I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?"

"I had died and woken up in High School Musical"

"Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face."

"La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la la!"

"Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned."