funny

"I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave."

"Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team!"

"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."

"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."

"How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross."I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much."

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."

"Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up."

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

"Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns."

"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."

"Working for Mab now, are you, Wolfman?"he smirked. "Like a good little attack dog? Will you also roll over and beg if she asks?"

"Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually,"replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that."

"Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously."

"Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy."

"Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory."

"If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up."

"The human body is the best work of art."

"I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know she was an aspiring meteorologist."

"I can’t define what love is. That’s like eating a pancake with a waffle instead of a fork. But you know it when you feel it, like petting a cat wearing a synthetic fur coat."