funny

"I am the washing machine of love. And if you have no idea what I mean, maybe it’s time to let some laundry into your life."

"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."

"I want to lose weight by eating nothing but moon pies, which have significantly less gravity than earthier foods such as fruits and vegetables."

"Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap."

"I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone! ' but how can do that without a bloody phone?"

"You mean she doesn’t intend to blow me up before the ceremony?” said Kai,taking the box.“How disappointing."

"It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief . . . lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming."

"It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."My heart gave a little pang at that. I'd been called plenty of names growing up."I like mongrels,"I said. "They have cute floppy ears.""My ears are very dignified."

"Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other."

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."

"So hologram means--"I finally said."It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now."

"His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. "I didn't know you before. When you're not there, I can't concentrate. I'm wondering where you are, what you're doing...if you're there and I can see you, I can see you, I can focus. I know it's crazy, but that's how it is.""And crazy is exactly the way I like it,"I said, leaning up to kiss his lips."Obviously,"America muttered under breath."

"I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir."

"Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear."

"I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me."

"Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can."

"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."

"What's a dementor?"I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister.""So it's some Harry Potter thing,"she says."

"Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive."

"You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt"