funny

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"The Doctor: I've seen bigger.Clara: Really?The Doctor: Are you joking? It's massive!"

"Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1."

"Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child."

"So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."

"I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them."

"The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock."

"Can I come in?No! I'm in a towel!I'm blind!"

"Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

"Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders."

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love."

"Nothing like having a warrant for your execution to get a girl motivated."

"I mean, we're ninjas.""Well maybe you're a ninja,"I said"You're just a really loud, awkward ninja,"Margo said, "but we are both ninjas."

"Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned."

"They call me, The Sharkalator"

"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."