funny

"Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!"

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."

"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."

"When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work."

"I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair."

"Dogs have their day but cats have 365."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"Who are you and how did you get in here?""I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith."

"What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri."

"Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it."

"Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1."

"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."

"It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."My heart gave a little pang at that. I'd been called plenty of names growing up."I like mongrels,"I said. "They have cute floppy ears.""My ears are very dignified."

"May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch"

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."

"Did I ever tell you the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern one?"she asked him, indulging herself and letting her head rest on his shoulder. God, he felt good. Her man. Where her head was meant to lie, right there, on him. "What's the difference?""A Northern one starts 'once upon a time,' while a Southern one starts 'y'all ain't going to believe this shit."

"We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds (I think she was from Mars)."

"I'll get them out and come back. I promise.""On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?"He touched my cheek once, briefly. "Privateer."Another explosion rocked the grounds."Let's go!"shouted Mal.As we sprinted into the tunnel, I glanced back and saw Nikolai silhouetted against the purple twilight. I wondered if I'd ever see him again."