humor

"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,"said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. "But I must say, Ginevra's dress is far too low-cut."Ginny glanced round, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again."

"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."

"We are fans of Mozart and Beethoven, as well 'South Park' and Borat. We believe that we can attract many people who eschew the serious ambiance of concert halls and don't go to classical music concerts because of such reasons. However, there is a 'serious humor' on the stage: funny and ridiculous. That is important!"

"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."

"My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook."

"My humor isn't meant to be mean or hurt anyone. But it's to make them uncomfortable and laugh. I like making people feel a different range of emotions. I like to make people a bit confused."

"Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?"

"I had a dream about you. I said green was blue and yellow, and you said green was yellow and blue. You were like that with everything I said, taking the exact opposite stance, yet completely agreeing with me. That’s how I knew you loved me."

"I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book."

"Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there."

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it."

"Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that."

"I had a dream about you. We were running on the beach, holding hands. It was a nude beach, but we were the only ones wearing clothes. You wore a bikini, and I wore my dead grandma’s dress—with my grandma still in it."

"To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult."

"I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)"

"Orion brightened. "I have an idea.""Yes?"said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained."Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"Mainstream news wants to keep you as a useful idiot. Instead, try being a non-useful idiot."