humor

"Accidental sex. He made it sound like I fell down, and there just happened to be an erection in the way."

"Wit is an explosion of the compound spirit."

"I run like I walk—only slower. And I make love like a one-man circus show."

"Mixing humor and politics is something that works."

"I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me."

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on TheeAnd I'll forgive Thy great big one on me."

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

"Are you a female dog?""What?"Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!"

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."

"Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth."

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"

"I've been encouraging documentary filmmakers to use more and more humor, and they're loath to do that because they think if it's a documentary it has to be deadly serious - it has to be like medicine that you're supposed to take. And I think it's what keeps the mass audience from going to documentaries."

"I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career."

"I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat."

"Were you always such a stubborn, blind, obtuse girl?”“Are you calling me stupid?”“Yes, but in a more poetic way!”“Well, here’s a poem for you. Get lost!"

"If anger were mileage, I'd be a very frequent flyer, right up there in First Class."

"I was that weird kid that checked out all of the non-fiction paranormal studies books from the library. I've always been fascinated by the supernatural, particularly movies and TV shows that manage to blend humor with the horror - 'Supernatural', 'Buffy', 'Angel.'"

"Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met one new person who turned out to be a very valuable contact. I should try networking at my family reunions more often, because that’s how I finally met my dad."

"A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends."

"She said she loved me, and I didn’t believe it for a minute. Maybe 59 seconds, but not a whole minute. I may be gullible, but I’m not without an accurate way to measure time."