#Funny

"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."

"If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this situation, vacuum cleaners might make the best lovers."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes!"

"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."

"There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles."

"Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell."

"If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence."

"Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane"

"Did you know it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile? I know, because yesterday was in a bad mood, and I guess I must have frowned too much because this morning I woke up with a torn groin muscle."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You thought you were a candy vampire, you were standing in the sun screaming 'I'm melting."

"If it gets laughs, it's funny."

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"If two heads are better than one, then what about double chins? On that note, I will help myself to seconds."

"I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry."That's interesting,"he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible.""Did the psychic think so?"

"I had a dream about you last night. I could fly. I was going to use this power to impress you, but you were too heavy to carry, so I won you over with my personality instead"

"sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski."

"Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it"

"When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!"

"I mean, we're ninjas.""Well maybe you're a ninja,"I said"You're just a really loud, awkward ninja,"Margo said, "but we are both ninjas."