#Funny

"Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty."

"So that's it?"Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?""What?""All of this,"Kenji says, waving a hand in the air, "has nothing to do with him being all sexy and shit and him being able to touch you all the time?""You think Warner is sexy?""That is not what I said."

"And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can indeed move a mountain, but you can hardly be expected to garnish your sandwich."

"Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women."

"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane"

"So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time."

"I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career."

"People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation."

"In a brave and noble way, I want to sacrifice my life one day so that two of my clones can live."

"If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence."

"Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy."

"I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place."

"Who cares even if I didn't?!"Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise."

"If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public."

"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."