#Funny

"I am the Anagram of Love. I’m not evil, but I am evol. I guess this also makes me the Palindrome of Love!"

"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."

"I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn."

"I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared."

"I had a dream about you last night... You tried to propose with a digital ceramic heater."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"Suspicion,"he said. "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He's a genius.""Starring Cary Grant."When Lucas gave me a look, I added, "You have your priorities, I have mine."

"My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious."

"If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs)."

"I've never felt so bereft and panicky. What do I do without my phone? How do I function? My hand keeps automatically reaching for my phone in its usual place in my pocket. Every instinct in me wants to text someone, 'OMG, I've lost my phone! ' but how can do that without a bloody phone?"

"Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here."

"I can't not find humor in elements of most parts of life, but at the same time nothing ever seems perpetually funny to me."

"Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza?"at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back "Yeah. You want pepperoni?"-Maximum Ride"

"Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers."

"If I were a Wild West cowboy, I wouldn’t ride a horse—I’d ride a wheelchair. More romantic."

"I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am."