#Funny

"The common man prays, 'I want a cookie right now!' And God responds, 'If you'd listen to what I say, tomorrow it will bring you 100 cookies."

"She'd met Colin on a Monday.She'd kissed him on a Friday.Twelve years later.She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic."

"Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia."

"I'll get them out and come back. I promise.""On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?"He touched my cheek once, briefly. "Privateer."Another explosion rocked the grounds."Let's go!"shouted Mal.As we sprinted into the tunnel, I glanced back and saw Nikolai silhouetted against the purple twilight. I wondered if I'd ever see him again."

"I have the feeling we just made a deal with the devil, and he's going to come back and want our first-born child or something."Daemon waggled his brows. "You want kids? Because you know, practice makes--""Shut up."I shook my head and started walking."

"Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones."

"If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now."

"I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral."

"It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen."

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"what would you call this haircut?"arthur."

"I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive."

"Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did."

"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."

"There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos."

"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."

"Are you a female dog?""What?"Massie asked. "Why?""Because you are acting like a real bitch!"

"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."

"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."