#Funny

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

"I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline."

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things."

"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."

"I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it"

"The funny thing about writing is that whether you're doing well or doing it poorly, it looks the exact same. That's actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing."

"Leave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you come back with the ketchup."

"Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat."

"If you look at the game and everything, it's not quite like looking at an animated film, because that's total character. This, this is really movement, but it's got funny little things if you look for the humor. They're actually getting to the character."

"I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires."

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use."

"I love sleepwalking, because when else would I get to combine exercise and rest?"

"Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually,"replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that."

"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."

"Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?"

"Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors"opened up for "The Cars."

"Meatloaf is meatloaf is not a true statement. You can have gravy on top, ketchup on top, and don’t forget you can also have love on top--however, you must understand that I would do anything, but I won’t do that."

"Don't make me angry-kiss you."

"I had a dream about you last night... I was a brick and you were a blanket. Damn that improbability drive."