#Funny

"Our love was covered in fur, yet I was the only one who wanted to pet it."

"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."

"I had a dream about you last night... you were there."

"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."

"I've had great success being a total idiot."

"It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."My heart gave a little pang at that. I'd been called plenty of names growing up."I like mongrels,"I said. "They have cute floppy ears.""My ears are very dignified."

"I only snatched him to get your attention,” I said. “Now that I’ve got it, this is what I want.”“Damn my dame!” Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. “I knew it! Not another list!"

"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."

"To Do Today, 1/17/081. Sit and think2. Reach enlightenment3. Feed the cats"

"I define myself and grow as a person through emotional torment, so if you love me, you will inflict as much pain on me as you possibly can."

"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God."

"Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work."

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror."

"Game design is a funny thing. There are people out there who are really good at it, but it's not clear that they can teach it. It's a very intuitive process. It's an art."

"Sometimes in the most tragic situation, something just profoundly funny happens."

"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."

"There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and you and you."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you?"