#humor

"First Things First [10w] God created the possibility of absurditybefore he created man."

"Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong."

"I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?"

"The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience."

"For someone who is supposed to be a knight in shining armor, you're acting like an ass in aluminum foil."

"Kaddish Kaddish for Mrs. Ginsbergis not Kaddish,For your mom raised a Buddhistand mine raised a Jew.You'll zazen for your loss,I'll daven for mine.I do not belittle your loss,your grief is no less than mine.But by abandoning your tribe, אלון,Who now will say Kaddish for you?"

"Start here & go until you die, he said. What's so complicated about that?"

"The difference between a karate chop and a high five is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. My love can slice like a piece of pizza."

"Myth, mist, and mystery all add to the illusion of love. If you need me I’ll be by the fog machine wearing a tunic and writing an epic poem in Greek."

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"You have come to earth to entertain and to be entertained."

"Don't you think 'Mark is kind of a weird name for a Shadowhunter?"Julian was saying as Emma approached. "I mean, if you really think about it. It's confusing. 'Put a Mark on me, Mark."

"The Pompous Psychopomp Its your charge to provide me safe passage to the afterlife,to be a midwife to my dying.Any yet, you hover there, judging me,putting on airs, you supercilious whip-poor-will.You're an embarrassment to nightjars everywhere.Now do your fucking job and take me to hell ~which I guess has already begun,judging by your shitty escort service."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"I know a woman loves me when she leaves me leftovers in the fridge from the date she went on the night before."

"Am I about to discover where you, Ron, and Hermione disappeared to while you were supposed to be in the back room of Fred and George's shop?''How did you...?''Harry, please. You're talking to the man who raised Fred and George."

"Styx Haiku Boatman refusesto paddle me down the Styx.'No carry-on baggage."

"I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!"

"Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench."