#salesman

"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."

"I’d rather sell one thing for one million dollars, than sell one million things for one dollar each. I feel the same about my love and women."

"I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!"

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"The salesman said the sale was happening because all the gizmos in the store had to be liquidated. It was a lot of solidfluid, and I would have bought something, but the only thing I was thirsty for was her love."

"Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each attach to your foreheads—it’s the Dream Tunnel."

"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."

"Everyone is a salesman, and the product is each person. Personal branding is being conscious to the continual nature of selling yourself."

"Why sell farming equipment to farmers? I should cut out the middleman and sell tractors directly to people dining in restaurants."

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"A radio in a song in an ice cream cone. Two licks for free, and the third is for sale. My favorite flavor tastes like a commercial, because it’s made with 100% natural advertisement."

"Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only."

"I should combine a car bumper with a belt, for a fashion accessory that’s safe for office romances. Powdered love poetry sold separately."

"I deal in the ideal idea. Buy, sell, or trade, I am offering the best prices on Love."

"77 degrees in the fall feels cold, and 77 degrees in the spring feels hot. That’s why I’m selling year-round-nudity for half-price."

"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."

"A gumble bee is half gum ball, half bumble bee, and it’s so chewy it stings. Makes me want to be a better lover and tractor salesman."