Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment."

"People don’t buy products—they buy people. It’s called slavery. I mean networking. It’s called networking."

"When it’s raining, instead of using an umbrella, try holding an empty drinking glass above your head. That’s exactly how I thirst for your love."

"Self-growth comes from being nurtured, not tortured. I had to learn this the hard way. On sale now: Iron Maiden. Only used once."

"Her love used to be my lighthouse, and now it feels like I'm treading water in the dark. I’ll bet as soon as I start swimming, the sun will rise and color the sky with the romance of rose."

"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."

"The curve of her smile, the curve of the small of her back, the curve of her laugh, everything about her makes me want to be more well-rounded."

"I spoke like a spoke on a wheel, as I went around and around without actually saying what I wanted to say. I was love flustered."

"The wind may be invisible, but it’s colored by memories of you, as you gently blew into my life, adding motion and emotion to my still-beating heart."

"She looked, but she couldn’t see. She was wearing an emotional blindfold, and though she heard me say I love you, she just didn’t listen."

"A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love."

"Her love was too cold, like an anti-oven. That's called a freezer, and sometimes it burns food. She gave me heartburn, just like coffee, and it really woke me up to the reality of relationships."

"A Dragon Rose is a flying flower that breathes fire. A relationship isn’t truly a romance if there isn’t a tiny element of danger involved."

"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."

"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"

"Using a mannequin and some rope, could you ride two bicycles at once? Next time, try three bikes. Then truly love someone, because that’s even harder."

"I have a lot of faith. I mean, I believe I do."

"My goal is to be as forgiving as a man with amnesia, but love as if I remember and cherish all the things you do that make me smile."