funny

"I had a dream about you. We went for a walk, though we didn’t hold hands because we went in separate directions. As I walked alone I thought about how you had the funniest way of showing affection to me."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."

"It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded."

"If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you believe in second chances for love at first sight?"

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."

"And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep."

"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."

"When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye."

"I felt my cheeks turn red, and she laughed out loud. But I didn't mind too much, because the last thing she saw was my middle finger aimed in her direction as I stepped outside"

"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."

"I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive."

"Isn't that someone we know?"asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred meters away, arms wrapped around his knees. Close by him, a small shaggy horse cropped the grass growing at the edge of the drainage ditch that ran beside the road."So it is,"Halt replied. "And he seems to have brought Will with him."

"Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."

"Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!"

"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."

"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."

"I want to get the words "Courage"and "Bravery"tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me."

"What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short,' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>"

"aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things."