funny

"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."

"Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling."

"Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal."

"My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns."

"Sane is boring."

"Ow, Todd? Ow?"

"I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)"

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

"Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns."

"Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for."

"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

"I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive."

"You bitch!"Why is it that whenever I draw blood, I'm a bitch?"

"Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."

"I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them."

"Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press."

"I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping."

"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."