funny

"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale."

"If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes."

"I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future."

"If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time."

"I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way."

"There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights."

"Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was."

"And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine."

"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."

"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."

"Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much."

"[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!"

"Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note"

"I just thought of a great theory that explains everything. When I went to that party, I was abducted by aliens. They have created a fake Earth and fake high school to study me and my reactions. This certainly explains cafeteria food."

"I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are."

"A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."

"A boo is a lot louder than a cheer."

"May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch"