funny

"On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead."

"I wrote a thesis on love, and I wrote it in lipstick. Of course, I also got blood on the paper, because the lipstick was still attached to her cheating lips."

"Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who I was."

"I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)"

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."

"Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors"opened up for "The Cars."

"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"

"What were you thinking?"I demanded once we were moving to the music. I was trying to ignore his hands. "Do you know how much trouble you may have gotten me in?"Adrian grinned. "Nah. They all feel bad for you. You'll achieve martyrdom after dancing with a mean, wicked vampire. Job security with the Alchemists."

"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."

"Inconceivable!""You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?"

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."

"You look angry,"he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me,"she said very, very slowly, "on hold."

"You're insane!"she shouted."Pretty cool, huh?""No!"Tally yelled. "Why didn't you tell me it was broken?"Shay shrugged. "More fun that way?""More fun?"Her heart beating fast,her vision strangely clear. She was full of anger and relief and...joy."Well, kind of. But you suck!"

"If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs)."

"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale."

"What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize."

"And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley,"Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again."

"If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping."

"However, if you do start crying in an argument and someone asks why, you can always say, "I'm just crying because of how wrong you are."